Trip to PA

Creek behind the B&B

We stayed in the furthest building.

Derek & I got away for a long weekend for his best friend's wedding.  We had a great time!  Despite the fact that I don't really enjoy flying, the traveling was pretty nice.  We left very early Friday morning and flew into Philadelphia.  We drove into New Jersey for lunch at a place Derek found on Food Network (had been on Throw Down with Bobby Flay).  Boy, was that an adventure!  It helps to put the right place in the GPS.  lol  And, toll roads?!  Crazy expensive!  I'm pretty sure we spent more on tolls than we did food - and we only drove a couple hundred miles.  Also, first time I ever had to pay to pee.  lol  Had to pay $1 to get off the road and had to put a quarter in the bathroom door to use it.  It was worth it though after drinking 2 diet cokes at lunch.  Ha!!! 

Anyway, we drove about 3 hours to our bed and breakfast location.  We stayed in the Pump House B&B.  Very neat place.  It was featured in "This Old House" in 2004.  There is a main house that Doug & Marika live in (and serve breakfast in the sunroom).  They renovated it a few years ago.  And, there is another house next door that they are currently working on.  One of the old pump house buildings has been renovated and houses a bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom in the back.  The majority of the building is an open area that they use as a reception room for weddings, but mainly use it as Doug's studio.  The other pump house has a room and then the rest if used for storage and work space.  He's an amazing artist.  He does stained glass, tile, sculptures, painting... you name it.  It's displayed all over the buildings.  Very cool!   The first night we stayed we were the only guests.  The second morning we shared breakfast with some other guests - a lady and her mother.  Turns out her mother, who had to have been in her 80's, had lived at the house as a child.  Her dad was in charge of the pump house.  So, it was really cool to hear her talk about the way things use to be.  Beautiful place!  Oh, and Doug cooked breakfast.  YUM!  Fresh squeezed apple juice, yummy fruit smoothie, homemade scones, sausage links, and breakfast casserole.  YUMMmmm

D & Me

BFF's

Ok, so the wedding.  We went to a party Friday night where we got to spend time with the bride, groom, family, and Chris & Michelle.  Oh, but not before a quick stop to Wal-Mart because Derek did not pack anything but shorts & tee-shirt for 58 degree weather.  (Derek's best friends from childhood are "big Chris" and "little Chris".)  We say this respectively b/c big Chris is 6'6ish and little Chris (the groom) is 5'6ish).  =)  We had such a great time with everybody!  Stayed up late visiting and catching up.  Saturday morning we met them all for coffee after breakfast (since ours was included).  We took off with Chris & Michelle in search of a particular Farmers Market which turned out to be an old barn with two vendors.  Haha!  Enjoyed the road trip nonetheless.  Saturday afternoon the boys had to meet a little early for pictures so I took my time getting ready.  =)  The wedding itself was at an old barn.  So cute!  The ceremony was adorable.  They quoted Dr. Seuss, sang an Adam Sandler song, wrote sweet vows, and laughed.  Just plain ole cute!  =)  The party was fabulous!  The food was great! 

The trip was great, but two days is about the max for leaving my kiddos.  I was ready to see them (though I did enjoy some alone time with D, which we don't often get).  Unfortunately, both of my girls contracted a stomach virus on Saturday/Sunday, so they were sick all night.  I HATE not being with them when they're sick.  :(  But, I'm very fortunate they were with their Nana who took great care of them.  She is such a trooper!  Everyone seems to be on the mend now, thankfully!  Got a busy week ahead, so I'm praying D & I don't catch the lovely bug!  Got a dental appointment tomorrow followed by a job interview.  Lots going on.....

New Attitude

Amazing what a new hair cut can do! lol My sweet mother-in-law, knowing that I've been pretty down lately, sent me to the salon today to get my hair done - cut, color, & style. How sweet was that? She's so thoughtful!

I feel so much better! Really, my new do is a great jump start to a new attitude. I feel sassy. lol I had a job interview this afternoon and felt darn confident going in. Pretty sure I got it. It's only one or two days a week, so not much, but it's a start. It could turn into more later as their productivity goes up. So, if I can keep them organized so they can spend more time doing their jobs, it will create more hours for me. :) It's just a few miles from my house. Very convenient! I pick my day/s and hours. It's great! I'm still going to keep a look out for another similar part time position since this one is only going to be 6-12 hours a week. I'd like to be up to at least 20, but for now I'll take what I can get!

Heading to a wedding this weekend with Derek in Pennsylvania. Excited to have a little get away with him. We're staying in this really cool little B&B. Fun! (Just wish we didn't have to fly. hmph!)

Here it is! Love my new short do.  =)

Before - you know it's past time for a haircut when I start pulling it back every day!

The new bob.  =)

Coming to grips

So, I've had a few days to come to grips with the inevitable job situation. I'm seeing the brighter side of things. The first one being more income to pay off this debt. Secondly, I think Maddie will do well from more interaction with kids and a more "preschool" setting. She is a very social, busy little girl. She *loves* going to "class" at church. However, I don't really want her in childcare 5 days a week. I still want her to have that one on one, loving attention she needs. (She is VERY much a mama's girl that wants to cuddle a lot.) My wonderful in-laws have volunteered to help with childcare. Yay! I had not planned to ask such a thing, so what a relief for them to offer. There are still lots of things that I, selfishly, am going to miss out on, but I'll get over it.

So, now on to the lovely job hunt. I have sent out 10+ resumes, but I know this is only the beginning. What a HORRIBLE time to be looking for a job. But, surely someone will want me!! =)

***Warning*** Lots of Whining Ahead

So, I'm getting ready to whine just as I try to teach my kids NOT to do. I'm having a "woe is me" moment just as I have tried so hard not to do in the past few years. But, right now, in this moment - I am going to W-H-I-N-E, so prepare yourself. So, what is my deal? Is the anticipation building?? I'll tell you what the deal is. I have to go back to work. I have to enter the "real world", leave my kids behind, and work for a living. I know, I know. People choose to do it every day. I am in no way judging them. But, this is not what I had planned. This is not what I wanted to do. I wanted to stay home with BOTH of my girls at least until they both started school. I'm heartbroken. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I do not want to leave Maddie. I do not want to be rushed off in a horrible morning commute taking my child to daycare for someone else to raise only to pick her up at 5:00 in the afternoon to spend a whopping 2 1/2 hours with my girls before putting them to bed. I want to be at the bus stop in the afternoon to pick up Audrey. I want to go to her school and volunteer when I'm needed. I want the freedom of snuggling with Maddie as she cuddles up on the couch in the morning to watch "my Little Einsteins" or for her afternoon nap. I want to continue to have lunch at home with her and Derek every day.

But, what do I need? I need to pay my bills on time. I need to pay off this enormous debt that we have accrued over the past 3 years (thank you 12 months of double mortgages). I need to pull myself together, get organized, get a job, and figure it all out.

I'm scared. I'm scared that I can't handle it all. I can barely keep up with the day to day functions being at home. How on earth am I going to handle a full time job AND keep up with 2 small kids, a husband, and a 3-story house?! What on earth kind of job can I find - if any? Am I going to be miserable every single day?

Am I just not trusting God enough? He has supplied all my needs thus far, but I feel that some of the choices we've made are now coming back to haunt us. I want to blame everybody else. How dare the credit card companies raise my interest rate to 29% when I was barely keeping up with the 11%. Why on earth did it take a year to sell our house in Knoxville? Really? I bought a brand new car right off the lot?! You mean it drops in value as soon as you drive away? So, why exactly did I "have" to buy that new bedroom set for Audrey? Why did I "have" to eat out three times in one week?

Ok, the reality is, we haven't always made the wisest choices. But, we've floated along up to this point. We are so blessed with Derek's job, especially in this economy, but at some point we just have to say "enough is enough". If we pay the minimum month after month, we are going to be in debt for the rest of our lives. I'm smart enough to know that is NOT GOOD. So, here I go. Resume is done. Classifieds are out.

My big girl panties are on.

Updates and whining

I thought it was time for another post. I've fallen behind on my ramblings and such for a while. My focus has shifted to Audrey & kindergarten, Maddie & Tot School, church, and other activities. When I sit down at night to watch TV with hubby, it's hard to get my thoughts together to blog. I know, I know - wah, wah, right? lol

Audrey is still doing very well with kindergarten. I'm so proud of her. We had a play date with a couple of her classmates after school today. So cute! She also started AWANA and kid's choir this week.

Maddie's home preschool is going ok. We did really well at first, but most days she'd rather play. That's ok though. I throw in "education" as much as I can. We do some fun activities that she doesn't realize is "school". And, she's getting the hang of the laptop and recognizing letters A-D. =)

Hubby is doing well. Looks like he'll be flying out to New York for an interview next week. There is a company that has been seeking him out for several months, but they've been working on some funding and working out details. They really want him though, but have struggled with him not wanting to relocate to NY. Sounds like they've worked it out. Pretty exciting.

I'm doing ok. Been feeling kinda blah lately. I'm sure its because I've fallen completely off of the health kick wagon. I haven't worked out in a couple of weeks and haven't been eating well either. I should not be surprised that I've had no energy and felt so crappy. :( I'm so stressed out right now over the 3-Day Walk. It's less than 8 weeks away and I'm still $1400 short of the fundraising to participate. I'm way behind in my physical training. I just keep putting everything else ahead of it and I feel awful. :( OK, whine session over..... D & I are going on a 14+ mile Trike ride tomorrow. I desperately need that kick start. I also have new motivation because of our upcoming Christmas program at church. I know, it's barely September, but it takes a lot of time and practice to pull this production together. I didn't realize exactly what I was getting into when I offered to help (choreography). It's a big production with auditions next week. Looks like I'll be dancing in it in addition to writing the choreography. I'm very excited about it, but also very intimidated! I haven't "performed" in YEARS. Haven't done theater since college. But, it is a great opportunity. Just pray for me. I don't want to get so caught up in the planning, practice, and desire for approval & acceptance, that I lose sight of the reason we're doing this. We will reach so many people with this program. And, I also want to praise and worship through it all. =)

Reflections

It's no secret that I LOVE my kids (at least I hope not). =) But, I have enjoyed them so much this weekend. Not that I don't normally enjoy them, but I'm so guilty of getting caught up in the day to day stuff that I sometimes forget to just sit and enjoy the mere presence of these little blessings. I have some friends that desperately want to have a baby, but it obviously is not in God's plan right now. It has been several years for them and it breaks my heart because I know all too well that feeling of desperation and disappointment. My first loss was in 1999 and my second in 2001, followed by another in 2004, the month before conceiving Audrey. I became so angry with God. I could not understand WHY. I questioned so many things in my life, in my faith. But, oh, what a plan He had for me. I couldn't see it - and didn't for several years, but He knew all along.

I sit here today, with my "new life". I am blessed far more than I could ever have imagined. He has been so faithful, even when I have failed. Though I suffered great losses during a part of my life, He has given me two beautiful, precious little girls. I absolutely could not ask for more. They brighten my days. I have found myself, however, taking for granted that which He has given me. And, sometimes I need to be reminded of all that I have.

Now that I'm in this new phase of life with a toddler and kindergartner, I easily forget the times when life wasn't so full. I take for granted the little things. It's so easy to get caught up in the meal planning, house cleaning, errand running, bill paying, etc. and feel like I've missed out some very important things. So, I'm making a conscience effort to make a lot more time for my kids. Granted, I do have to wash clothes, cook meals, and wash the dishes every day, so I can't stop and play EVERY time Maddie asks, "Will you play with me, Mom?". But, I'm stopping more often and not thinking in the process what other things need to be done. We're even doing "Tot School" now while Audrey is in school. It's just a couple of hours a day that is completely devoted to Maddie and teaching her skills and having fun without interruption. I'm incorporating her more into the things that have to be done around the house as much as possible. And, I'm making an effort to really listen to Audrey more. I have to realize that, yes, all these external things need to be done - but my kids are #1 (and they won't be little forever). Everything else is secondary.

Thank you, God, for reminding me of the blessings that you have sent me. Thank you for entrusting me to be Audrey & Maddie's mother here on this earth. And, thank you for giving me a loving, faithful husband who loves You with all his heart. He often teaches me when my voice of reason is silent. He is not quick to anger and is calm and loving. Thank you, Lord, for our special family! Thank you for knowing what I need and providing. Thank you for the lessons that you continue to teach and for not giving up on me when I have clearly failed you.

New Look, New Adventures

What do you think about the new look? I thought I'd change it up a bit. It was a little bland before. :) So, we've had a good week. Audrey is just doing super. She absolutely loves school. She loves riding the bus. She's already made a lot of friends. She even got a marriage proposal. Oh, my! His name is Jaylen and has orange hair, apparently. She said, "He promised me he'd never break up with me again." So, I asked, "He's broken up with you before?" "Yeah, he's broken up with all the girls, but wants to marry me when we grow up." My, oh, my!!

Maddie spent the day with her grandparents on Tuesday and I got so much done. It's pretty amazing how much more can be done when I'm alone. LOL I miss my kiddos when we're apart, but I definitely appreciate the break. And, I feel so much better and productive when my house is clean and somewhat organized. I love my house, but the size itself makes it difficult to keep up with. Not sure that I've had all 3 floors clean at the same time many times, but I try.

So, I'm starting a little something new now that school is in session. When Audrey was younger, I use to work with her and we'd have "class time". We'd work on letters, numbers, shapes, colors, basic writing skills, etc. It wasn't a consistent, daily thing, but I did what I could with an infant in tow, too. However, I've noticed that Maddie is suffering the "second child syndrome". You know what I'm talking about... drop the paci on the floor "ah, it's clean", hand me down clothes & toys, etc. lol But, most importantly, she's missing out on that class time I gave Audrey at this age. So, after reading a few blogs of friends with children similar ages as Maddie, I learned that they do "Tot School". After a couple of days of research, I've ordered Hooked on Phonics and jumped in to class head first today. Today was the first day and it was more of a 2 hour craft session, but I'm working on more creative things to do with her. I have a little more planning to do, so this week we're winging it and having fun in the process. Like my friends, I have started my own blog to follow what we're doing. Now, let's see if I can keep up with 2 blogs, 2 kids, a husband and a house. lol