There are those that love the spotlight and others that don't. I find that every day with my girls. I have one that would rather sit back and take it all in - never wanting to be seen. While the other jumps in head first to see what kind of laughs she can get.
So, I've been thinking about my own light. I'd say for the most part, I've been a spot light kinda girl. I like performing - rather it be dance, colorguard, singing, etc. I use to really like to be the life of the party. But, not so much any more. I'd rather sit back and watch - have an intimate conversation and not be the center of attention. I've played many leadership roles in my 30-something years, but I'm learning it's nice to sit on the sidelines and watch every once in a while. Not to say that I don't still have opportunities that come my way to take the lead. However, I'm seeing that with life there are many seasons. There's a time to learn and a time to teach. I think the process is on going. And, I'm in a new season.
God has humbled me many times. He sometimes has to speak loudly and frequently - I'm a little hard of hearing. He has also shown me that I am still capable of learning and that He will use me where HE sees fit, not necessarily where I want to be.
Now, let me preface these next thoughts by saying that I in no way want to seek credit in any talent I may *think* I possess. ;) God gives and God takes away. God uses our talents for His glory and when we abuse that, I think He can and will put them back where they came from, so to speak. But, I also know that God wants to give us the desires of our own hearts. With all that being said, I want to share with you some exciting stuff! =) And, I want to thank God for the opportunity, no matter how short or long the time I am given on this project is.
Several years ago I was part of a women's quartet at my church in TN. I honestly don't remember how we formed our group because we didn't know each other that well. We were all in choir together, knew each of us had some knowledge of music & voice, and had a desire to sing more. Never did I think such a bond would be formed. Aside from all the music we made, I know for me, we created lasting friendships that I will never, ever forget. God worked through us, if for no one else, for the 4 of us. Yes, we sang several concerts, sang at different churches, and gathered once a week to rehearse the music. But, had it not been for those 3 ladies, I would have really struggled through some difficult times. They ended up being the ones I turned to when I didn't know where else to go. We all went through very similar situations at different times and were able to help each when it was our time to go through the valley. I, to this day, love those 3 women! We sang together for roughly 3 years, but eventually we all went separate ways because of life changes (and moves). I miss them so much! I have not felt another bond like that since.
Now fast forward to my new life in GA. We started out at a very small church (similar to all the churches I grew up in) that we loved for two years. But, with lack of child care, there were very few opportunities for us to attend classes or Bible studies. I called a local church that I passed every day taking Audrey to PreK. I saw they had a Women's Bible Study, so I was curious if child care was provided. To my surprise, it was and I jumped on board immediately. The first time I went to the study, a sweet older lady asked me to join her. She has grown to be such a cherished friend. Anyway, they opened up the study with praise and worship. Five ladies got on stage and sang the most beautiful harmonies I had ever heard. And, you could just tell they were truly singing for the Lord. I got a little teary eyed watching and listening to them that first day. I had to call each of "my girls" to tell them how much they reminded me of our quartet days and how much I missed them.
I continued going back week after week and was blessed each and every time I heard them sing. It really made me miss the old singing days with the girls. I'd be lying if I didn't say there was a longing within me to be up there with them! Within a few months, God very clearly showed us it was time to move to a new church. He had already been paving the way to First Redeemer starting with that first day at the Beth Moore Bible Study. We have been at our new church for a year now. God has opened up so many doors for us there. The girls have learned so much and look forward to going every day.
I personally have never been a member of such a large church. I was afraid I'd get lost in the crowd. But, I have been pleasantly surprised at how wrong I was. And, back to that humbling thing I talked about earlier in the post. ;) Being part of small churches, I was given many opportunities to sing solos and be a big part of the music ministry. I think I took a lot of those things for granted. God has placed me in an amazing music program where the talent is truly unbelievable! He has shown me just how small I am, while placing me exactly where I need to be and allowing me to grow in spirit. But, He is also loving and gracious.
A couple of months after joining the church & choir, I auditioned for the Praise Team. (First time I've ever had to audition for a church thing. That was a lesson in and of itself!) Shew. I made it. I was a little intimidated at first, but have really learned a lot singing with such great talent! The end of last year I was honored to be asked to audition for a part in the Christmas program - a small ensemble for one song. It worked out and the program went great! In that process, I got to work with a wonderful lady who is also the leader of the women's quintet from our Bible Study that I so adore. After our first rehearsal, she gave me the sweetest compliment ever --- she asked me to fill in for one of her girls in the group!! After I picked my jaw off the floor, I graciously accepted. One of their members was having a baby and they had been praying and looking for someone to temporarily take her place. After hearing my voice, she thought that I would blend great with them. I started singing with them this month and it has been the BEST time! Music aside, these ladies are amazing! They are the most precious, loving, Christian ladies ever. The time we spend "rehearsing" is filled with stories, laughter, music, and worship. It's been wonderful! Sunday was my first time singing with them for the worship service (we do the Bible Study service on Thursdays) and it was incredible.
God has shown me, I don't have to be the "it" girl. I don't have to have all the solos or be in the spotlight. The gift He has given me is a blending voice. And, as long as I keep the focus on Him and less of me & the music, He will use me. I am so guilty of wanting more and more, but I don't need it. God certainly knew the desires of my heart and mercifully obliged! I'm not sure how long I will have with the ladies, but I'm cherishing every moment. To be completely honest, I wish it wasn't temporary (that more and more attitude again), but I know God has a plan for me when it's all said and done. He's still teaching me. I'm seeking His will and that is the focus. I'm just grateful for what He has allowed me to do and anxious to see what He will have me do in the future.
